What Might Have Been Read online

  A Total-E-Bound Publication

  www.total-e-bound.com

  What Might Have Been

  ISBN # 978-0-85715-559-7

  ©Copyright Wendi Zwaduk 2011

  Cover Art by Lyn Taylor ©Copyright June 2011

  Edited by Stacey Birkel

  Total-E-Bound Publishing

  This is a work of fiction. All characters, places and events are from the author’s imagination and should not be confused with fact. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, events or places is purely coincidental.

  All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced in any material form, whether by printing, photocopying, scanning or otherwise without the written permission of the publisher, Total-E-Bound Publishing.

  Applications should be addressed in the first instance, in writing, to Total-E-Bound Publishing. Unauthorised or restricted acts in relation to this publication may result in civil proceedings and/or criminal prosecution.

  The author and illustrator have asserted their respective rights under the Copyright Designs and Patents Acts 1988 (as amended) to be identified as the author of this book and illustrator of the artwork.

  Published in 2011 by Total-E-Bound Publishing, Think Tank, Ruston Way, Lincoln, LN6 7FL, United Kingdom.

  Warning: This book contains sexually explicit content which is only suitable for mature readers. This story has been rated Total-e-burning.

  WHAT MIGHT HAVE BEEN

  Wendi Zwaduk

  Dedication

  NN—because you’ve helped me hammer away at this.

  CM—you saw the rough draft and gave me the green light.

  SB—you’ve been a fantastic editor—here’s to many publications together.

  JPZ—we don’t need to know what might have been because we’ve got forever.

  Trademarks Acknowledgement

  The author acknowledges the trademarked status and trademark owners of the following wordmarks mentioned in this work of fiction:

  Carousel: 20th Century Fox/Fox Studios

  BMW/Beemer: BMW AG

  Chevrolet: General Motors

  Silverado: General Motors

  Ford: Ford Motor Company

  Tempo: Ford Motor Company

  Pearl Jam: Ten Club, LLC

  SAT: The College Board

  Marines: U.S. Marine Corps.

  Northwestern: Northwestern University

  Chapter One

  “I didn’t disappear and I never faded away.” Macy leaned against the door of her truck and crossed her ankles as she sang along with the country song playing in her head. Funny how the class reunion seemed more like a time of rebirth rather than reminiscing. From her vantage point on the crumbling sidewalk, she stared up at the looming high school building. Back when she’d attended school there, Mason Senior High hadn’t seemed so scary. Now, the tan and red brick structure reminded her of a prison. In seven days, the prison would be little more than a pile of rubble. Then again, she wouldn’t be around to watch it fall. She’d be in New York signing her contract for her newest book, Cadence, and starting out on her tour for her Slayer series.

  She sucked in a long breath to steady her ragged nerves. Maybe no one would recognise her. Blending in had always been her strong point, but this time she wasn’t interested in being a wallflower. One last look at the old building and the perfect chance to prove she’d made something of herself.

  One by one, she climbed the front steps and relived the days of her youth. Memories of band pictures, chilly football games, essay questions and walking through cramped hallways bombarded her mind. All those years ago, things had seemed so complicated, like the rest of the world would be easy as long as she wasn’t in school. She snorted.

  Not hardly.

  Once she’d walked out of the door, diploma in hand, life had crashed down on her—paying for college, living in an apartment the size of a closet, and getting her first job, all while balancing her virtually non-existent social life. Post-high school had its ups and downs, but she’d never trade the experiences. Well, save for her time with Will. She’d gladly trade those years. She clutched her truck keys. At least they weren’t her standard rental car keys.

  “I’m not in the same state long enough to need a forwarding address, but I’ve got my one luxury—my truck,” she murmured. Back in school, she’d dreamt of coming back and teaching at good old Mason High. If time had made her anything, it was cautious. Never outstay a welcome and never put down roots. Roots led to feelings and attachments. If she moved around enough, then she had no one to come home to—and no one to hurt, or who could hurt her.

  A lock of hair slid over her cheek as she palmed the door handle. She stared at her reflection in the glass. In school, she’d worn her hair in headbands and braids, hesitant to sport makeup. Now she sported gentle waves and had discovered the fun of using cosmetics to accentuate her appearance. The beginnings of laugh lines framed her mouth as she smiled. “Time to shine.”

  Macy yanked the door open and started up the massive granite steps in the inner foyer. She had paused to tuck the loose strands behind her ear when someone called her name from behind. At the top of the staircase, she turned. Relief washed over her at the sight of the two men approaching her. “Berto! Remi! I’d hoped you two would show up on time.”

  The men in question bounded up the stone steps, wearing matching grins. Berto Katz, the brunet of the pair, swept her into his arms. “And miss an evening to dish with our favourite writer? Hell, yes, we’re on time.” The spicy scent of his cologne wrapped her in warmth. He kissed her cheek and his soft beard tickled her skin. “And we might even take you home for a thorough fucking.”

  Heat infused her cheeks and embarrassment raged through her veins. Berto was indeed hot, but he wasn’t the man in her heart—no one was. Though he always knew the right words to take the edge off any heavy situation, making her laugh wasn’t all she wanted in a man. She wanted to be swept off her feet, snagged in a whirlwind of devotion and loved to within an inch of her life—if such a man existed.

  Remi Wayne slapped Berto’s muscular biceps once Berto had set Macy back on her feet. “I thought we agreed not to embarrass her—until after she forked over the number for her cover model.” His blue eyes sparkled and the dimple in his cheek deepened. He raked his hand through his sun-kissed blond hair. “That Gerard is one fine-looking hunk of man.”

  “You’re right.” Berto faked a pout and tapped his bottom lip with his index finger. “We’ll get the number and then leave her high and dry.”

  “I’m glad I have you two to make me laugh. Part of me wants to run screaming back to the truck. The rest of me wants to show Mason High I’m not the mousey girl they all remember.” Macy linked arms with her friends. “Were you already in there? Why’d you come back out? Is it that bad?”

  “We came out here hunting for you and hoping to God you didn’t bring Will.”

  She cringed, but hid her discomfort under a broad smile. “He’s history.” And about damned time.

  “Thank God.” Berto squeezed her hand. “Your ex was an asshole. If I’d have known the shit he did to you, I’d have ripped his junk off with my bare hands.”

  “And fed it to the piranhas at the zoo,” Remi added.

  “Good ideas, but let’s forget him. I have. Tonight’s for celebrating, so why don’t you lead me in, wine me, dine me—but don’t you dare leave my side. The confident side of me can’t wait to show them how I’ve changed, but the deep-down, timid part of me doesn’t want to be here.”

  “No one wants to be here—except Faith, Mari Ellen and Stafford Green. He’s bald and not the tower of muscle he used to be.” Remi snorted. “Which is why we’re on you like glue. Who wouldn’t want to
be seen with the premier erotica author of this century? Although, if Connolly makes a move, then we’ll let him ravish you.”

  “He’s here, you know. We scoped out the scene before you got here,” Berto added. “And he looks mighty tasty.”

  Macy stopped cold. “There are days when I don’t like having you two as friends. You love to cause trouble.” She released Remi’s arm. “I embarrassed myself all those years ago. I can’t freaking look Tanner in the eye now, knowing he remembers and knowing Stafford is here. He treated me like shit.” Her hands trembled as she wiped them on her skirt. “Actually, I hope they don’t remember me. I was so naïve and clueless in high school. This is a chance to make a better impression.”

  Just the mention of Tanner Connolly sent a shiver through her bones and a slow thrum to her core. Could he still look tasty, as Berto had suggested? She had longed to thread her hands in his charcoal hair and press kisses to the apples of his cheeks. She shook her head. Visions of her failed attempt to ask Tanner for a date during their senior year came to mind. In private, he’d talked about dating her and said he saw a future for them—together. He had been one of the few people to be nice to her during their high school career. Seemed like ages ago.

  Despite her attempts to tamp it down, lust surged in her body and her nipples beaded. She still fantasised about him after all these years and wondered what might have been different if they’d got together. She stopped walking and planted her feet on the tiled floor. Back then, he’d acted foolish in front of his friends. He’d seemed so sweet and attractive on his own, but as soon as his football buddies showed up, he’d succumbed to the peer pressure. Wouldn’t those same jock friends be at the reunion?

  Did she really care?

  “I suppose you could hide in a hole to avoid the assholes on the football team.” Berto tipped his head. “But then why would you want to if you can dance with the hunks before you?” He spread his arms in an expansive gesture between himself and Remi. “Come on, we should head to the auditorium.”

  Lusty thoughts be damned—she wasn’t about to let Tanner melt her carefully constructed defences and Stafford had no real bearing on her life. Macy twined her fingers with Berto’s and Remi’s and allowed the pair to lead her to the first floor of the massive building. The lemony scent of floor polish swirled through the cavernous foyer. Conversation and bass music from the auditorium filled the hallway, blotting out the sound of their footsteps on the floor tiles.

  In high school, she’d believed in finding her soul mate and living happily ever after. She’d dreamt she’d settle down and raise a family in Mason with her high school sweetheart. Life had different ideas. Sure, she still wanted a family and roots, but she wasn’t in a hurry for it—not yet. Why open herself up to heartbreak when remaining an island was easier? Because it got damned lonely not being able to trust anyone, said the traitorous voice in her head.

  When Macy, Remi and Berto reached the folding table serving as the reception desk, she dug in her booted heels. Faith Glanville crossed her arms and sneered. Her perfectly straight, coal-black hair framed her gorgeous, dewy face. Macy still hated her man-chasing, artificially-enhanced guts.

  I’m not the scared, mousey girl I was back then. Macy forced a cheery grin to her lips. “I’m scared I can’t do this,” she muttered out of the side of her mouth. The carved floral columns lining the auditorium doors used to bring her comfort as she’d prepared for the spring drama productions. Now she wanted to run.

  “Why can’t you have a good time here tonight? ’Cause she’s just as big a bitch now as she was then?” Berto whispered in her ear. “Don’t let her win.”

  Macy gritted her teeth. Oh sure, use my pride against me. She shored up her courage. “You know, you’re absolutely right. Bring it on.”

  Faith Glanville, head majorette and daughter of the wealthiest lawyer in Mason, had run the high school back in her day. She’d dated every available senior boy and openly voiced her dislike of Macy. Anyone who didn’t conform to Faith’s standards became a social outcast. High School Macy had never stood a chance. If her clothes had been up to par, her hair wasn’t chic enough. And God forbid, she’d excelled in academics.

  No more.

  As Macy stepped up to the folding table, Remi wrapped his arm around her waist. “I’d like to sign in with my ravishing date, Macy Shibley, and my life partner, Berto Katz.”

  Faith’s eyes widened as her brows knotted together. She elbowed her best friend and partner in tormenting crime, Jill Mickelson. Biting back a grin, Jill turned the registration book towards Berto and folded her hands. “It’s great to see you. We all wondered if you three would be a modern couple.” Jill snorted and rolled her eyes. “You were always ahead of your time.”

  Macy had opened her mouth to correct Jill, when Remi patted her shoulder. “Thank you, Jill, honey. We thought we’d let Macy out to get some air. We shelter her so.”

  “Oh.” This time, Jill’s jaw dropped. “I meant—”

  “If we keep her locked up for too long, she gets cranky and I have to get out the whips.” Elbowing Macy forward, Berto nodded. “Bye, girls.”

  Once inside the spacious auditorium, Macy plugged her ears. The song playing on the stereo system echoed off the walls and rattled her brain. The fog from the DJ stand clouded the room, making it hard to see more than twenty feet from her face. Grief, she hoped she didn’t trip into the rows of seats.

  “I’ll be right back.” Remi planted a kiss on her cheek and one on his lover’s before disappearing into the throng of dancers.

  Berto wrapped his arm around Macy once more. “He’s a dork sometimes, but he’s the love of my life. I’m glad you made us go on that date.”

  “You’re welcome, but that little comment was childish.” She rolled her eyes. “Whips? I think she choked on her gum.” She ducked in close and confessed in his ear, “But I loved every moment. Next time say something about using the bondage bed. She’ll pass out.”

  Berto’s eyes widened and he laughed out loud. “That would be a perfect response. I love to leave them on the verge of confused.” He kissed her cheek. “How long do you think it’ll take before the rumour starts up? I give it about thirty minutes, my love.” A broad grin curled his lips. “Now, Miss Macy, our favourite free spirit, we have a surprise for you.”

  “Really?” Macy scanned the crowd. When she noticed the photos of the class along the wall behind her, her breath caught in her throat. The words Most Likely to Disappear in a Crowd framed her picture. Her heart sank. Apparently the Class of ‘97 wasn’t about to let her forget her claim to fame—being counted as present in a class she’d skipped for an entire week because the teacher had just assumed she was there.

  “Oh, you saw that.” Berto shrugged. “It’s just a stupid picture. Don’t let it bother you.” He pointed to another photo down the line. “See? Royce is still class brown-noser and Selene made the worst-dressed list. Big deal. I’m still the Winter Fest Queen.”

  She chuckled at the sight of Berto’s knobby knees and the elaborate toilet plunger staff he carried in the picture. “You’re right, Your Highness, but somehow I had this contrived notion that becoming an author and being a respected member of the community would override that image of me.”

  “Hell yes, it does,” Remi replied over her shoulder. “We think you’re great and want to show you.”

  When Macy turned to reply, she instead pressed her lips together. Next to Remi stood none other than Tanner Connolly. Damn. She forced her gaze to remain on his face. If she allowed herself to glance at the rest of his body, he’d know she’d never quite forgotten him. The tips of her ears burned. Her breath caught in her throat and time slowed to a crawl. The world around her fizzled to nothingness.

  His hair flopped over his forehead, no longer in the crew cut he’d worn during the football seasons. She longed to reach out and run her fingers over the silken strands. Although the perpetual dusting of hairs darkened his cheeks, the baby fat no longer remain
ed. Laugh lines crinkled around his blue eyes and gave him a rugged appearance. Even in the dismal lighting, the sapphire of his eyes sparkled like always.

  “Macy, darling, this fine gentleman wants your autograph.” Remi slapped Tanner’s back and grabbed her attention. “She’s all yours, but be warned, if you act like you did in high school, we’ll break your legs. We’ve never forgotten.”

  A flush crept across Tanner’s bronzed cheeks. He dipped his head without uttering a word. Macy folded her hands to hide the trembling. Tanner met her gaze and grinned, turning her insides to warm goo—again. Dear God, how’d he do it? After fifteen years, he still held the power to make her nervous and turned-on. Her nipples hardened to points within her silky bra. Lust dampened her panties. She rubbed her thighs together to stave off the tingles. He could’ve been the one to make her settle down.

  “I think we need to get drinks. Mace looks parched.”

  Snapped back to reality, Macy flicked her gaze to Berto. “Cola, please. No ice.”

  “Yes, a drink would be great.” Remi winked at Macy before he and Berto strolled away. Tanner toyed with the plastic cup in his hands, running his index finger over the condensation on the side.

  Although she fought the good fight, she still lost and allowed her gaze to wander down his body. The last fifteen years had been kind to him, if not downright wonderful. The navy button-down shirt encased his broad chest and smooth muscles like a second skin. Even the faded denim hugged his toned thighs, leaving little to the imagination. If she remembered correctly, he had a tattoo of his football number on his right calf—seventeen.

  “Like what you see?”

  “I was being impolite.” Macy snorted. Damn, he’d noticed her visual groping. “But yeah, you measure up—mostly.”